Chicago Here I Come!

Well, I clearly don't have much that can top that last blog posting (if you want to know the truth, it has to be my favorite posting to date). Not much excititing has been happening in my life lately either. I've spent a lot of time running and diving into new music. So I'll just randomly throw out a few things I've learned today.

1. The Chicago marathon is just around the corner, so I learned that my training has to seriously kick into high gear. As a result, I really should be in bed right now, rather than blogging... but I just can't get enough of you blog fans. I'm running the marathon with a BUNCH of friends this year. In fact, every week I hear of more and more people that not only are running it, but claim that they are running it "with me". I hope they don't mind running at a snail's pace, because I'm fat and way out of shape. That means I have roughly six weeks to get into shape. Argh.

2. I discovered that if you let your laundry go long enough, you will get to a point where you can't even see your own bedroom floor. I think it's carpeted, but I can't be sure.

3. I learned that there's yet another crazy "language play" out there, called "Ong" language. I love learning about other languages and cultures. Well, I googled Ong language, and it seems that it actually is a Cantonese version of Pig Latin. You spell out words, saying "ong" after every consonant, and fully pronouncing the vowels. It sounds absolutely hilarious when spoken. Tong O tong A long long yong cong rong A zong yong. If any of you know of other fun languages or "language play" out there, let me know. I eat it up.

4. I've learned that no matter how good of friends you are, you shouldn't "surprise" anyone by ringing their doorbell at 6:30 in the morning. They get mad. Repeat the process enough, and eventually, they get even. So... even if you're wide awake and going for a refreshing morning run, chances are good that the rest of the world isn't.

5. Speaking of super early in the morning, I've found that really funny things are said before work. This past week specifically:

Woman overheard on cellphone at 7:30 am. "What? We were subpoenaed to appear in court? Seriously? I don't remember ANYTHING about the accident! Oh man, what are we going to wear?"

I had just gotten done running, and some friends stopped over to have breakfast on the patio. I quickly showered and ran out to join them.
Me: "Hey, did you ever call Patrick?"
A: "Uh..." (completely blank stare ensuing)
Me: "Oh... (looking down at myself) I should probably be wearing pants, huh?"
A: "Uh... yeah."

I'm sure more funny things were said, but I'm tired, and I have to do SOME laundry tonight. Oh look, my bedroom really IS carpeted! How about that?

Couscous

So it turns out that my dog doesn't like couscous. How do I know this, you ask? Well, because at this very moment I'm hunkered down behind a big mountain of couscous. OK, so it's a bit more reminiscent of a grassy knoll of couscous than a big mountain, but I'm sure you get the picture. Why am I eating a grassy knoll of couscous, you ask? Well, for starters, you really are awfully inquisitive tonight, but since you're such a faithful blog reader, I'll tell you. I haven't been feeling so hot lately. Not at all. So dinner is consisting of rather bland and boring couscous, lime jello, and tea. Blah. I keep expecting a husky German nurse named Helga to walk in at any minute and spoon-feed it to me.

Before I go any further, I must warn you more sensitive readers that you may want to stop here. If you read on and get queasy, take this as my disclaimer of absolving myself from any form of responsibilty.

That being said... Let's just say I didn't exactly buy lunch today... but rather... I "rented" it. Oh man, I haven't been this sick in a while. I mean, I literally got out of my car and RAN into the house after lunch, because I could sense the precious little time I had in which to expel the poison. And by poison, I mean "huevos y choriso". Don't get me wrong, I love Mexican food, and 99.99% of the time, Mexican food loves me. Today was .01%.

I know what you're thinking. "You probably got food poisoning! You should call up that restaurant and sue them! You could make enough money to start your own restaurant!" Well, just calm down, stop shaking your fist in the air, and take off your lawyer hat. For those of you who don't know me, I'm just not a litigious person. Even after getting hit by a 2002 Toyota Camry while jogging (and subsequently having to pay for damages to the driver's car) I didn't sue. I was angry, sure... but I didn't sue. Life is too short to waste your time in a courtroom. Get outside and go running.

Which leads me to my larger point du jour. Whether or not lunch today was food poisoning, I can't tell you, because lately I've had a major case of... well... uh... what I like to refer to as "runner's gurgle".

Hmmm... how do I explain this tactfully? Well, I did put in the disclaimer above, so if you're still reading and get sick, it's your own darn fault.

For you avid runners out there, you know EXACTLY what "Runner's gurgle" is. You need no explanation. For those of you non-runners, RG is essentially your stomach's way of informing your brain that it has something to expel. Once your brain receives the interbodily communication, it's then up to you to determine the following.

1. You must determine which direction your body is going to expel said poison. Unless you're an alien, the expulsion has one of two roads to travel. It's either going North or it's going South. Now I'm not a huge fan of throwing up (don't start thinking I'm bulimic here) but keep in mind that when running on a trail with no restroom for miles... throwing up is the much... uh... "cleaner" option.

2. You must determine how much time you have before said expulsion. Typically when I get the gurgle, I have five minutes if it's coming North, and fifteen minutes if it's headed South.

Long story short, I was on one of my long runs last weekend (it actually was only a 10 miler, but it was on a trail in the middle of NOWHERE) and I got the gurgle. I mean, I really got the gurgle. The "it's headed South, and you have exactly 5 minutes before this plane lands" kind of gurgle. Well, as I said, I was on a trail passing through the middle of Nowheresville, so I actually thought thought the unthinkable. Yes, if all else fails, I suppose I could make a bathroom break out in the woods. After all, according to my dog, the world is your toilet.

It was a Sunday, so I started praying as hard as I could. I was begging the good lord above for a little mercy. I mean, there was a porta-john at the trail entrance... just a mere thirty minutes away. Well, the good lord wasn't buying it. Now I had wasted a good two minutes praying for time, and the only thing it got me was two minutes closer to the inevitable.

Well, the gurgle was turning into a full roar and I was really starting to sweat. Seeing that I'm not a bear - and that I never was never a boyscout - I've never gone in the woods. I have no idea the protocol involved. Where do you go? What am I supposed to wipe with? Oh man, with my luck, I'd grab a bunch of poison ivy and get a rash all over my behind.

"OK, God... if you're listening, I could really use a box of Kleenex out here on the trail! SERIOUSLY! Anything! If you throw me a bone, I promise to only buy socially-conscious coffee which benefits Himalayan whistle kids!" I know it's kind of a weak promise, but I wasn't exactly thinking clearly at the time. Cut me some slack.

So as with any issue I have, I try to ignore it and just focus on my running (of course while continuing to ferverently pray and make promises to the heavens).

Now here's the amazing part of the story. I am not lying here. After nearly five minutes of pushing my luck, I can't go any further. I'm not a gambling man. I give in. I throw my cards on the table. Fine. I start to slow down and begin looking for a place in the woods to call home for a while.

Although... just as I'm ready to take the offramp into TotalEmbarassmentTown, I see it. Two neatly folded Kleenex, right in the middle of the trail. I swear to you. Dead center of the trail, as if left as a gift from Heaven. True, I'm sure someone (more prepared than I) accidentally dropped them, but I didn't care. They were there for a reason, and that reason was me. No need to buy me any presents for a while. I just cashed my karma check, and Christmas came early this year.

I'll end the story there. Just know that I've never been so happy to see two little Kleenex. It did the job perfectly, and I'm still here to tell about it, so life is just peachy. But I'll tell you I learned something. Even though I was never a boy scout, from now on, I'm going to be prepared and bring some tissues with me running. If I don't use them, maybe I'll just leave them on the trail for someone else in need. It might just be you. You're welcome in advance.

Oh, and do you know where I can get some socially-conscious Himalayan coffee? Argh.

Oh good gravy!

I don't really have that much to report, but word on the street is that y'all are getting antsy for another blogposting. Well, here's the last few weeks of my life - the disco mix.

1. I got the new computer, and I'm loving every minute of it. It's like hopping on a Cannondale after years of riding a Huffy. This new computer (complete with flatscreen monitor) is the best. Fast, sleek, and far more than what I need. Granted, it was somewhat of an impulse buy. (Monkey Boy, if you're reading this, that comment was for you). Most people impulse buy a candy bar or a magazine... I impulse buy computers, bicycles, and kitchen appliances.

2. I officially quit smoking. I'm sure you're wondering how a person can run marathons, triathlons, and countless roadraces while smoking. Well, I didn't actually smoke WHILE I was running... just in between. Don't worry about it. I've quit. And surprisingly enough, I don't miss it.

3. I rode RAGBRAI - the [Des Moines] Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa. For those of you who don't know, it's a week-long bike ride across the state, and it's awesome. Roughly 25,000 participate, and it's just insane. It's like Mardi Gras on bicycles. For the most part, we had an awesome time. Although...
a. We rode through some tough conditions, from 100 degree weather to torrential rains and tornado warnings. The beauty of Iowa is you can't predict the weather.
b. Our support vehicle (an old bus) broke down on the way out, so we rented a U-Haul to cart our gear across the state. Not the best conditions, but it got the job done.
c. We lost a teammate for 48 hours. When he finally showed up, he was wearing a shirt that said "Timmy" and he was holding a jar of homemade salsa. I didn't ask.
d. One of our teammates crashed and needed 8 stitches in his face.
e. One teammate sliced his foot open on a pedal and needed 12 stitches.
f. One friend got arrested for being a bad girl. Again, I didn't ask.
g. My bike currently has a flat on it. Oh well.
h. My favorite bike accessory fell off my bike and broke. It's a little plane on my handlebars with a propeller that spins when you're riding. I managed to salvage most of it and connect it to my helmet so that I could still use it. http://www.memorylane-classics.com/images/Bike%20Accessories/Air%20plane.JPG

4. I ran the BIX7 in Davenport - a rough 7 mile race. I did well, all things considered. I'm still trying to figure out how they crammed 25 miles of hills into a 7 mile course. Ouch. My quads still hate me.

5. It's been a rough week at work, trying to catch up after being out for a week. Good thing I love my job, eh?

6. If I can fix the flat tire on my bike yet tonight, I'm biking to the Farmer's market tomorrow morning to buy a schload of basil so I can make homemade pesto. MMMmmmm...

Sorry this is so blah, I had a big ol' meal tonight, and I'm totally in a food coma. Off to bed.