Saturday, January 07, 2006

Road to Relaxation

OK, I admit, I don't know how to relax. I have two speeds, on and off. And "On" just happens to be always cranking at 4500 RPM. Well, it's been brought to my attention NUMEROUS TIMES that I really need to learn to relax. Let me tell you that I've tried in the past, and relaxing usually only leads to sleeping. Just ask everyone in my yoga class. Yup, I'm the guy in the back of class who always finds so much zen that I build a zen log and start sawing it.

Regardless, I will try to attempt this "relaxation" I keep hearing so much about. Here's the backstory. Today just happened to be a balmy 45 degrees Fahrenheit, so I decided to fit in a nice little 30 mile bike ride. (Two things to clarify for those of you who don't know me that well. Yes, 45 degrees is indeed balmy in January when you live in Iowa, and yes, 30 miles on a bike is considered a "little" ride. 100 miles in 100 degree weather is when it becomes grueling). I returned home to a relatively empty and quiet home.

I just happened to find a fancy little bag of relaxing bath salts in the linen closet, so I decided it was time to bite the bullet and draw myself a bath. Truth be told, I think the bath salts were specifically left there to encourage me to relax. Fine, I start the bath. Next, I needed music. I chose The Postal Service "Give Up" CD for three reasons: 1. ) it's a brilliant album, which I can't get enough of right now, 2.) it's about as "relaxing" as I know how to be, and 3.) it's exactly 45 minutes long, which is about as long as I figured I could endure soaking in a bath while not doing anything.

For those of you who really know me well, you know that it wasn't long before my inner OCD came out and took control of the situation. Normally being a shower kind of guy, I don't usually get a "lower level view" of the bath. Translation, I saw a small patch of mildew and the OCD went crazy. I started cleaning the entire bathroom from top to bottom. In the 45 minutes I was supposed to be relaxing, I spent more time cleaning the bathroom than I spent cleaning myself.

So here's "Mateo's attempt at a relaxing bath" list 2006.

45 - number of minutes spent in the bathroom
40 - number of minutes cleaning the bathroom
50 - square feet of bathtub/shower scrubbed
3 - number of times the 50 square feet were scrubbed
1 - number of bottles of cleaning supplies used
6 - number of used "running" bandaids found in the bathroom and subsequently thrown away
2 - number of bottles of bubblebath that haven't been opened in over two years and really need to be thrown away
57 - number of MP3's that were loaded onto my MP3 player while I was in the bathroom
2 - number of loads of laundry completed while I was in the bathroom
4 - number of pots and pans soaking while I was in the bathroom
2 - number of times I weighed myself while in the bathroom

OK, fine. I don't know how to relax. I probably never will. Here's my white flag. I run to relax. You can keep your arsenal of aromatherapy "day" candles, soothing bath salts, feng shui stones, and meditation music. Just give me my Sauconys, and I'm a happy boy.

Mateo

ORN - a post note for those running bloggers who are keeping up on my site. I was tagged by Dawn about the word that I choose to focus on for 2006. Well, seeing that "relaxation" was clearly a bust, I'm going to focus on HEALTH. Sure, I want to lose weight, run faster, eat better, etc, all of which encompass a healthy life. So my chosen word is "Health". Happy (and healthy) 2006!

16 Comments:

Blogger anne dugger said...

i agree completely on the bath thing. my thought isnt so much the "eye level" view as it is this- why am i soaking in a boiling pot of water, in my own juices? i might as well be a pot roast, to tell you the truth. i get kind of sick thinking about it and then must get out.

3:53 PM  
Blogger Dawn - Pink Chick said...

Why do you think I rearranged the bedroom so I could see the TV from the tub. Its about the only way this body gets to soak and sort of relax. My version of a relaxing bath is a remote in one hand and a glass of wine in the other...lol.

Health is a good word.

8:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! I love it. I haven't had a bath for a while (I have showered though...just thought I should clarify that) and being prone to a little OCD myself, I am not sure I will bathing for a while longer after reading this post

heres to Health in 2006 :)

3:24 PM  
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5:34 PM  
Blogger Jon (was) in Michigan said...

There's alot to be said for clean bathroom, Mateo. Even if you can't relax in it. :D

7:34 PM  
Blogger Dawn - Pink Chick said...

Just popping by to say Hi and hope all is well. Hi!

10:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And yet I seem to recall an incident years ago when you taught a very stressed-out Kerrie how to relax. My how things have changed since then...

11:44 AM  
Anonymous Pen said...

Hey Matt! Sorry, this has nothing to do with your blog, but rather a memory that popped up that I didn't even know I had!

I was searching I-Tunes to use up my gift card, and I came across Debbie Gibson's "Lost in Your Eyes"...ring any bells? I remember being crammed in LaFonda Buseman's beater and you singing "I Get Lost In Your Thighs...Can you feel my p*nis rise..." The lyrics go on, but I'm not sure what the blog rules are:) Do you remember that? Anyway, I didn't know searching I-Tunes and coming across a Debbie Gibson song would trigger a memory from high school. You're such a nut!

1:56 PM  
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Blogger Simon Langer said...

Greetings, I was reading some blogs and came across your blog. I'm quite impressed , with how it has a good feel. This is one to watch.

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1:26 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I've been checking on you.... I hope all is well. It is finally acting like winter here in Texas. We might actually get snow!! It has been 100+ days since we've had rain or snow. It is as dry as I've ever seen it. Miss you. Take care.

7:48 PM  
Blogger Dawn - Pink Chick said...

Ok, I think you've relaxed long enough. Time we heard from you again, eh!

9:23 PM  
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