Friday, March 24, 2006

Check Out My Tight Whip, Yo!

Yes, I'm sure you're reading this thinking, "Now, what exactly is a whip, and how exactly do I get a tight one like Mateo?"

Well, dear reader... let me offer you today's lesson in American slang. Apparently, a "whip" is an automobile, and a "tight whip" is merely a really nice one. Don't feel bad, before I bought my new car, I didn't know what a whip was either. But then again, I'm painfully uncool. I should never be used as a benchmark for cool.

Enough with the vocabulary lesson. I'm sure you're dying to know about my whip, right? It's a Titanium Green 2006 Ford Escape. I originally wanted a hybrid, but since the technology isn't completely there yet, (in other words, I still have a twinge of the OCD fear that my car is going to start on fire), I thought it best to stick with a classic. So my Escape isn't brand new, but it is this year's model, which is by FAR the newest car I've ever owned. Until now, the newest car I've ever purchased was four years old. I decided to see how the other half lives, so bit the proverbial bullet and traded in both my 11 year old truck and 13 year old car and bought a new Escape.
My favorite parts of the Escape? 1.) It has a hitch for my bike rack, 2.) it has plenty of room in back for Loki, and 3.) it has a six CD changer.

I have a confession to make. I'm a 33 year old American male, and I've never had a car with a CD player. (This is your gentle reminder that I'm terribly Dutch and again... painfully uncool.) The very first thing I did when I got home after buying it - honestly - was make a mix CD of all of my favorite driving songs. Sure... laugh all you like, but it's the little things in life that make me happy.

Enough about the new ride and what a horrible geek I am. I was more interested to find that even though I am very OCD about most things, other things in my life slip by me, completely unnoticed. For example, when I was cleaning out my former vehicles for trading in, even I was appalled at what I found. So here you have it. Mateo's "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WAS IN MY TRUNK" List 2006.

4 - spring jackets
1 - winter coat
1 - sock (white ankle length)
1 - leather glove
1 - clothes hanger (plastic)
1 - pair tan polyester stretch pants that my friend Angie bought for ten dollars FROM A COMPLETE STRANGER IN A MACDONALD'S BATHROOM IN PARIS, FRANCE. It's a really long story, but a VERY funny one. Perhaps if you're good, I'll tell you sometime.

3 - toothbrushes
4 - containers dental floss (2 mint, 2 regular)
1 - pair fingernail clippers
2 - tubes ECOLIPS organic lip balm (mint flavored)

1 - post it note from my nephew with the word "Gunk" written on it
1 - bible (1985 NIV Study Edition)
2 - wedding invitations
3 - sets of printed Mapquest directions
5 - various purchased maps
1 - notepad containing various designs for my bedroom

1 - sombrero (don't ask)
2 - gold cufflinks
7 - pens
2 - unused air freshners (Obsession scented)
1 - purple velvet steering wheel cover with the word "ROCKSTAR" embroidered on it (a gift from my friend Tara)
1 - cigarette lighter
And $5.02 in change

There you have it. The exhaustive list of what I found while cleaning out my two old vehicles. I couldn't believe it myself. Man, for someone with so much OCD, I'm a complete packrat. Hopefully I'll do a better job of keeping my new whip clean.

Oh and by the way, next week's lesson in American Slang will be brought to you by my 68 year old Dutch mother. Her latest expression is "bling bling". Seriously. She said it last Thanksgiving when one of my siblings complimented her on her earrings. "Oh, these?" she humbly said... "They're just my bling bling". I was in such shock that you could have literally knocked me over with a feather. I blame cable television...


Blogger Dawn - Pink Chick said...

Nice whip! *grin* I love your lists. The list for our truck would be very short, hubby keeps it pretty empty. By the way, I've never owned a vehicle with a CD player and I'm a lot older. We have a radio/tape deck but we do have one of those converter thingys so we can play our MP3 in the truck. So perhaps its a good thing we still only have a tape

Enjoy the ride.

9:42 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Just be glad there were two cufflinks.... if it had just been one, you'd still be searching underneath the carpet of the trunk looking for the match.

Congrats on the new car, I mean whip.

10:04 PM  
Anonymous Mom said...

Matthew, this is your Dutch Mother and I want you to stand corrected -- I am only 67!!! Don't make me older than I am. Yes, I do log onto your blog from time to time just to see that you keep it clean, so far OK. Car looks great!! Glad you like it. Love, MOM

10:12 PM  
Anonymous jenny said...

Wow. Talk about bait and switch. I came here because you commented on your new whip, and all you got was a car? Sheesh. I thought you went and got all S&M on me.

Congrats on the car!

10:27 PM  
Anonymous Brian said...

I need to hear the story about Angie swapping clothes in the McDonald's bathroom!

8:39 PM  
Blogger Marty said...

The Ford Escape is my dream vehicle! Congrats!
Here's how my car fares from MY OCD tendencies...
What do I have in the car?
Nothing extraneous. It looks and smells almost like new inside. I've had it 8 years. It has 102,000 miles on it. But no clutter.


3:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you need to blog about Vegas. Seriously. I fix your toof and you don't post anything since March? What gives?? Too much time in yo' new whip? Get with the program!

7:50 PM  
Blogger John from Grand Haven, MI said...

come on, dude, spill it about the mcdonald's pants purchase!

3:20 PM  

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