Oh boy

Uh... hi there. How are you? I know, it's been forever. You look fantastic. I love what you did to your hair. Are those highlights? Wow, they look great.

Ok, enough distraction. I apologize. I haven't blogged in nearly two months. Well, this little thing called life kept getting in the way. Well, I'm back, and I hope to return to blogging on a more regular basis. Let's face it, I never really blogged on what one would call a "timely" basis to begin with. But I promise to do better for the remainder of 2006. That's my money back guarantee to you. (By the way, if any of you are paying more than thirty seven cents to read this, then I'm sad to report you're getting blindly robbed). Anyhew, in hopes to reduce all the "why haven't you been blogging lately" hatemail to a few disgruntled postcards, here goes.

More Mateo lists. Oh man, do you have any IDEA of how many lists an OCD man can compile in the matter of two months? Well, let's just say that it's much more than you can jot down on an entire pad of post-it notes. Trust me, I tried.

For starters, some of you probably didn't even know that I took a little trip to Mexico in January. It was awesome. Trust me, when you live in Iowa, a mid-winter trip to a sunny location isn't a luxury, it's a birthright. So here you have it:

El viaje de Mateo a México 2006:

General:
10 - days in Cabo San Lucas
10 - number of days we were supposed to go running
1 - number of days we ACTUALLY went running
1200 - number of calories in the average meal while on vacation
12 - number of meals where I insisted on us having guacamole
1 - number of meals that literally consisted of a bowl of baked Chihuahua cheese
7 - number of minutes spent trying to figure out how you milk a Chihuahua
47 - number of alcoholic beverages consumed at the swim-up bar
14 - number of pounds Mateo gained while in Mexico
13 - number of times we heard the song "I will Survive" while in Mexico
88 - times we were approached by local vendors to buy any number of goods sold on the beach
4 - pairs of sunglasses purchased
3 - bottles of pure Mexican vanilla purchased
1 - number of shirts lost as a result of midnight skinny dipping in the ocean. Don't ask.

Excursions:
1 - number of days spent sea kayaking across the Cabo San Lucas Bay (AWESOME)
1 - number of times our friends capsized their kayak and promptly returned to shore
72 - number of minutes to kayak one-way across the CSL Bay
2 - number of timeshares we visited
1 - number of times we had to put on our ugly faces and tell the timeshare people "Look, we're not interested. Just let us leave".
450 - US dollars worth of free goods and services we got from both timeshares
1 - number of days snorkeling on a pirate ship named the "Buccaneer Queen"
1 - number of "Buccaneer Queen" pirate bandanas purchased on the ship. Don't ask.

Whale Watching:
2 - number of whales seen on "exclusive" whale watching boat trip which was supposedly in the prime of whale watching season
2 - number of lifejackets seen on "exclusive" whale watching boat trip
45 - times per MINUTE (on average) the small fishing boat smacked the water during the whale watching trip
180 - minutes on boat
8100 - yes... total number of times the boat smacked the water
45 - number of minutes I spent visualizing running the Chicago Marathon so I wouldn't throw up on the boat. Sidebar: it seems a bit ironic now that I was visualizing the Chicago Marathon (another time in my life when I was trying to keep from throwing up) to keep from throwing up on the boat. Hmmm. I wonder what that says about me?
4 - number of times I begged, "Can we just please go back to shore?"
12 - number of times I have referred to the whale watching event as "The ultimate test of a relationship, number 647". Don't ask.

Return from Mexico:
1 - number of times the customs agent said, "You were only there ten days? Jeez, your tan looks like you were there a MONTH!"
7 - number of times my friends called me "tan-orexic"
3 - number of times Anne told me that Loki has the exact same OCD neuroses that I do
1 - number of poems that Anne wrote about Loki while dog-sitting
1 - number of batches of guacamole we've made since being back
1 - number of batches of guacamole thrown away since it tasted more like bananas than avacados. Ugh, don't ask.