Thursday, February 17, 2005

I learned it by watching you!

OK, I'm not sure which came first here... the chicken or the egg. More specifically, I'm not sure if I've become more neurotic since I've gotten my dog, or if he's more neurotic for having gotten me. First of all, let me say this; my dog is broken. I mean it. Broken. If he were a Tonka truck, I'd probably take him back to the nearest Toys R Us. But he's my boy, and I love him - neuroses and all. For any of you that don't know me (or know my dog) Loki is a pure white Alaskan Husky with crystalline blue eyes. His eyes are beautiful, but with beauty comes consequence, such as his horrible cataracts. They don't seem to bother him that much, except for his night driving. So much for my designated driver.

Oh, enough about his eyes and more about his nuroses. So I got him from the local Humane Society (which I highly recommend you support) and I'm guessing he was rather abused in his "past life". I can't say for certain, but it might explain why he thinks the lawnmower is a "toy" while he's scared to death of the Swiffer. It doesn't make sense to me. He wants to play with the tool that will chop him into bite-sized morsels, but he runs screaming from the tool that cleans up his hairballs. (By the way, he really doesn't run "screaming", but he does run to the den and hide whenever the Swiffer rears it's ugly demon head).

So his latest quirk is this. He constantly has to smell my breath. I'm not sure why, but whenever I get home from work or let him in and out of the yard, he has to smell my breath. I guess it's like a retina scan for dogs. He will stand at the gate and won't let me enter until he smells my breath. "You aren't allowed to come into this yard until I have an olfactory confirmation that you are my master - now breathe, human". I don't know. I guess I should be happy that he's not sniffing my crotch like most other dogs. My only concern is that some days (like today) I have to have the worst coffee breath known to man. I don't want to injure my dog with my stanky breath. What if I do long term damage? What if he begins to twitch at the near mention of Starbucks? What if one day he runs screaming from me like I'm a giant Swiffer?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, not to be disrepectful, but could it be that your mouth smells like a crotch and Loki is not neurotic??? Just a thought. It does come with the territory. Have you tried Lavoris?

1:10 PM  

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